Department of Homeland Absurdity Declares LET’S MAKE AMERICA FUN AGAIN! at IDIOTAROD NYC on January 28th
Despite the potential for massive cuts to its budget that will hinder its “important” “scientific” “research,” The Department of Homeland Absurdity (DOHA) in conjunction with ***** Labs announced today that they are moving forward with plans for IDIOTARODNYC 2017. The event, now in its can-you-believe-it 13th year, will be held on Saturday, January 28, 2017.
With rumors ranging from a complete defunding of the multi-discipline, super-secret disorganization ***** Labs to the appointment of **** Cheney in an senior advisory role with DOHA, staffers and volunteers alike are imploring the public to support their ongoing mission to MAKE AMERICA FUN AGAIN!
- What the **** is Idiotarod NYC?
Now in its 13th year, Idiotarod NYC is a ridiculous, unsanctioned "race" during which costumed teams art up shopping carts to represent elaborate themes, then run through the streets of some desolate neighborhood on what usually ends up being one of the coldest days of the year.
- Why would I want to do this?
Trust us: It's really fun.
- Who can race?
Show me more
Anyone. Everyone (note checkpoints are generally 21+). Please feel free to invite friends, lovers, family and good looking strangers.
- How do I register?
1. Join the IdiotarodNYC group on our super secure Facebook page. Here, you will see all current announcements with complete confidence that there are no Russian spies hacking into your sensitive communiques. You can also use this platform for some psychological warfare in advance of the big day.
2. RSVP for the event. This counts as two-factor security as far as ***** Labs is concerned..
3. Email ***** Labs at *Idiotarodnyc@ to obtain an official participant requesst form. Please exercise patience, as we know it may be both your only exercise and your only virtue. We've been very busy moving our research data to offshore facilities, as we've no idea what will happen if **** Cheney takes over.
- What's the route?
The launch location will be announced to all registrants the night before the race. Checkpoints and finish line locations will be announced to racers at the checkpoint preceding. You will be held at these checkpoints for important "scientific" "research" at the whims of ***** Labs personnel. All trials, tests and other activities completely at the discretion of the Labs team must be completed in order to advance to the next stop. You may choose your own route between checkpoints as you see fit.
- Does each team need a shopping cart?
Yes. And it is customary to creatively decorate your cart to match a unique and clever theme. Idiotarod NYC is more about showmanship (and bribery) than speed!
- How does a team win and what do they get?
Prizes are awarded for Best in Show, Best Design and other factors at the discretion of the judges. Creativity, imagination and enthusiasm are the key. Speed is not... And bribery will increase your odds!
- Can I just watch?
To preserve research-subject privacy as well as to avoid unwanted attention from various authorities, ***** Labs does NOT announce the race route in advance. Checkpoint locations will be provided via the official twitter feed, @idiotarodnyc, throughout the day.
- But I'm with the press! Now can I watch?
***** Labs is very press friendly. Just email firstname.lastname@example.org with "PRESS" in the subject line and the outlet for whom you work and we will do our best to accommodate your needs while also maintaining the clandestine nature of this important research.
- Is there an afterparty?
Most likely. We will update accordingly.
- Is there a rain date?
NO! Be it rain, snow or polar vortex, true idiots roll whatever the conditions.
- Can I help with the race or a checkpoint?
Maybe. Please email Idiotarodnyc@gmail.com with "LACKEY" in the subject line. State your interest along with the unique and ***** Labs-worthy skills you may possess and we will get back to you with further information should we deem you worthy. Ownership of a lab coat is a plus.
1. Each team must consist of one shopping cart and at least 5 team mates.
2. Each team can attach things to the cart, make a riding platform, grease the wheels and chop up the cart-- but all pieces must be part of the final design.
3. Bribery Encouraged! Judges and Checkpoint Monitors enjoy all forms of bribery and favors and, yes, bribery will help garner prizes.
natured and ingenious sabotage is encouraged but nothing can be done of a malicious nature (like damaging the art of others carts) or that may hurt the existence of the race itself.
5. Do Not Litter! The hurling of food objects or other materials is strictly prohibited and will result in expulsion from the race.
6. Show some Respect: Please respect the police, the public, traffic and each other. This event's continued existence is reliant on the cooperation of each participant… Inspired Idiocy = Yes, Douchey Stupidity = No.